Jabcepstercim is a god.

It takes the form of an enormous, sage narwhal.

Jabcepstercim created an atom two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jabcepstercim, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Jabcepstercim, it will refuse to believe in you.

Jabcepstercim's most sacred site is Romlund in Denmark.

Jabcepstercim's Holy Commandments

1. Never handle aluminium while unclean.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Always cleanse your hands after touching gold.

5. Do not laugh in public.