Tenarmban is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, deceitful frog.

Tenarmban created the planet Earth eight million years ago.

If you believe in Tenarmban, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tenarmban, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tenarmban's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Tenarmban's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Run away from black porpoises, for they are unholy.

4. Never feed lots of oranges to ducks while wearing mauve kilts.

5. Never talk about pigs.