Fonvenveen is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, benevolent cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Fonvenveen created Mount Everest eight million years ago.

If you believe in Fonvenveen, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Fonvenveen, she will turn you into a sheep.

Fonvenveen's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Fonvenveen's Holy Commandments

1. Never mark doors with white.

2. Do not prepare garlic while filled with anger.

3. Never eat peas on holy days.

4. Erect a giant silicon sculpture of Fonvenveen in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always store cherries above ground.