Bumjinmettin is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, humorless pig.

Bumjinmettin created viruses nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bumjinmettin, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Bumjinmettin, she will destroy your home planet.

Bumjinmettin's most sacred site is Saint Cado in France.

Bumjinmettin's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick seals.

2. Never record numbers.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

5. Never hop near manatees.