Saffomtan is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, staggering snake.

Saffomtan created light two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Saffomtan, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Saffomtan, he will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Saffomtan's most sacred site is Avebury Stone Circle in England.

Saffomtan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from indigo nematodes, for they are unholy.

2. Never touch blood while clean.

3. Do not resist fate.

4. Never gather three tortoises near towers.

5. Never hurt grasshopers.