Xuckkamkom is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, benevolent crab.

Xuckkamkom created an electron five million years ago.

If you believe in Xuckkamkom, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Xuckkamkom, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Xuckkamkom's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Xuckkamkom's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in the presence of elders.

2. Never feed spinach to geese while wearing cyan coats.

3. Do not travel during autumn.

4. Always wear turquoise.

5. Do not cook food in pots.