Fashoncangammifkimfun Ominnultaf is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, duplicitous owl.

Fashoncangammifkimfun Ominnultaf created humankind six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fashoncangammifkimfun Ominnultaf, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Fashoncangammifkimfun Ominnultaf, it will hide angry queen hornets in your dwelling place.

Fashoncangammifkimfun Ominnultaf's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Fashoncangammifkimfun Ominnultaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics.

2. Never think about electromagnetism near sheep while wearing purple shorts and balancing four carbon spheres on your head.

3. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Fashoncangammifkimfun Ominnultaf.

5. Always keep your back turned to the west at sunset.