Kemkargeb Figlarnzan is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, effective parrot.

Kemkargeb Figlarnzan created carbon two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemkargeb Figlarnzan, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Kemkargeb Figlarnzan, he will send you a strongly worded letter.

Kemkargeb Figlarnzan's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Kemkargeb Figlarnzan's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all dreams.

2. Hide if eight dolphins approach from the east.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Always remove scarves before touching nickel.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.