Jatvankargeplargsinquim Rulmat is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, sage cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Jatvankargeplargsinquim Rulmat created carbon six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatvankargeplargsinquim Rulmat, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Jatvankargeplargsinquim Rulmat, it will turn you into a giant snail.

Jatvankargeplargsinquim Rulmat's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Jatvankargeplargsinquim Rulmat's Holy Commandments

1. Pigs are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Do not commit murder.

3. Do not shave your arms.

4. Never speak the names of asteroids aloud.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.