Baplakhug is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, moody tortoise.

Baplakhug created energy two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Baplakhug, she will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Baplakhug, she will turn you into a sheep.

Baplakhug's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Baplakhug's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Baplakhug eight times a day.

2. Hide from pink nematodes for they are unholy.

3. Never sit in the presence of elders.

4. Shun those given to sloth.

5. Do not prepare aubergines while wearing trousers.