Hakpoglarg is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, unsympathetic centipede.

Hakpoglarg created the Sun eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Hakpoglarg, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Hakpoglarg, she will think nothing of it.

Hakpoglarg's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Hakpoglarg's Holy Commandments

1. Hide if eight grasshopers approach from the east.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. Hide from indigo mites for they are unholy.