Bifstikbab is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, prudent octopus.

Bifstikbab created the Andromeda Galaxy nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bifstikbab, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bifstikbab, it will denounce you as a heretic.

Bifstikbab's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Bifstikbab's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Always make sure there are no whales in a building before entering it.

4. Always look after injured porpoises.

5. Learn seven new languages a year.