Natquaffig Kabteensis is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, tiresome manatee.

Natquaffig Kabteensis created the planet Mars four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Natquaffig Kabteensis, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Natquaffig Kabteensis, he will cry a lot.

Natquaffig Kabteensis' most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Natquaffig Kabteensis' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never think ill of sick frogs.

3. Always act with obedience when addressing strangers.

4. Put Natquaffig Kabteensis first in all things.

5. Do not contemplate quantum gravity during the night.