Tommaddissjip is a god.

She takes the form of a three thousand metre long, quiet bear.

Tommaddissjip created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tommaddissjip, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Tommaddissjip, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tommaddissjip's most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Tommaddissjip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about photosynthesis.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never speak aloud of secrets.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Tommaddissjip must be the most important thing in your life.