Bamstigrapvabzedgantin Tifpid is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, self-assured porpoise.

Bamstigrapvabzedgantin Tifpid created the Milkyway eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamstigrapvabzedgantin Tifpid, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Bamstigrapvabzedgantin Tifpid, she will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Bamstigrapvabzedgantin Tifpid's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Bamstigrapvabzedgantin Tifpid's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about pigs.

2. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Never proclaim while facing east.

5. Never hop in holy places.