Bamkonlen is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, benevolent octopus.

Bamkonlen created Europe two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bamkonlen, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Bamkonlen, he will turn you into a goat.

Bamkonlen's most sacred site is Villaseta in Italy.

Bamkonlen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics.

2. Do not wear white clothing.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Never speak aloud of secrets.

5. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Bamkonlen in the centre of the settlement.