Zanjarnvig Popwanstan is a god.

She takes the form of a three hundred metre long, almighty raccoon.

Zanjarnvig Popwanstan created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Zanjarnvig Popwanstan, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Zanjarnvig Popwanstan, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Zanjarnvig Popwanstan's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Zanjarnvig Popwanstan's Holy Commandments

1. Always wash your face before prayer.

2. Do not prepare figs while filled with fear.

3. Remain prostrate during prayer.

4. Zanjarnvig Popwanstan loves mice, so they must be honoured.

5. Never record numbers.