Hogcemlargshav is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, moody turtle.

Hogcemlargshav created life four million years ago.

If you believe in Hogcemlargshav, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Hogcemlargshav, she will turn you into a worm.

Hogcemlargshav's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Hogcemlargshav's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about photosynthesis.

2. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Do not consume bananas at dawn.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Hogcemlargshav.