Satnabzag Besswonyar is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, capable crocodile.

Satnabzag Besswonyar created matter three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Satnabzag Besswonyar, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Satnabzag Besswonyar, she will torture you forever.

Satnabzag Besswonyar's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Satnabzag Besswonyar's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place turnips upon stone.

2. Never eat beans.

3. Do not gather at doors at dawn.

4. Erect five titanium sculptures of Satnabzag Besswonyar on top of important buildings.

5. Remain bowed during prayer.