Largnurtstaf is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, impressive fish.

Largnurtstaf created life eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Largnurtstaf, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Largnurtstaf, he will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Largnurtstaf's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Largnurtstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

3. Never touch oil while blessed.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always help aardvarks in need.