Bifmabkem Dunyartrut Midwathiv is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, annoying porpoise.

Bifmabkem Dunyartrut Midwathiv created the planet Earth three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bifmabkem Dunyartrut Midwathiv, he will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Bifmabkem Dunyartrut Midwathiv, he will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Bifmabkem Dunyartrut Midwathiv's most sacred site is Farnetta in Italy.

Bifmabkem Dunyartrut Midwathiv's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Erect four silicon sculptures of Bifmabkem Dunyartrut Midwathiv on top of important buildings.

3. Run away if eight grasshopers approach from the south.

4. Always store grapes above ground.

5. Never sing in the presence of elders.