Yartsanquat is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, happy aardvark.

Yartsanquat created an electron five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Yartsanquat, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Yartsanquat, she will turn you into a plant.

Yartsanquat's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Yartsanquat's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Never speak aloud of names.

4. Do not speak of optics near sacred fires.

5. Never allow shrews to witness sacred rites.