Godwegmum is a god.

She takes the form of a two thousand metre long, stupid mouse.

Godwegmum created bats four years ago.

If you believe in Godwegmum, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Godwegmum, she will turn you into a blue tit.

Godwegmum's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Godwegmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not step barefoot upon yellow earth.

2. Do not wear boots marked with red.

3. Never allow tapirs to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Never cross crossroads at midnight.

5. You must love Godwegmum.