Gumzancunqueegbognutmad is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, dishonourable dolphin.

Gumzancunqueegbognutmad created viruses six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gumzancunqueegbognutmad, she will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Gumzancunqueegbognutmad, she will come to you in dreams.

Gumzancunqueegbognutmad's most sacred site is Panayadikuppam in India.

Gumzancunqueegbognutmad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not place corn upon stone.

2. Never proclaim while facing west.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Worship no other gods but Gumzancunqueegbognutmad.

5. Never feed bananas to monkeys while wearing hats.