Tapnuttbell is a god.

It takes the form of a heavy, awe-inspiring elephant.

Tapnuttbell created light five million years ago.

If you believe in Tapnuttbell, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tapnuttbell, it will destroy your favourite planet.

Tapnuttbell's most sacred site is Vambupet in India.

Tapnuttbell's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Learn eight new languages a year.

4. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place in yellow.

5. Never cross crossroads at dusk.