Gemsakcutnib is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, egotistical snail.

Gemsakcutnib created dark energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Gemsakcutnib, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Gemsakcutnib, he will have a very low opinion of you.

Gemsakcutnib's most sacred site is Alyki in Greece.

Gemsakcutnib's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from turquoise squirrels, for they are unholy.

2. Never adorn your face with gray markings.

3. Always help sick great tits.

4. Never handle silver while unclean.

5. Always share bread with strangers, but never with gulls.