Fabwanflam is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, temperamental seal.

Fabwanflam created dark matter six million years ago.

If you believe in Fabwanflam, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Fabwanflam, he will turn you into a rock.

Fabwanflam's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Fabwanflam's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Fabwanflam.

2. Never tolerate whispers in holy places.

3. Never feed strawberries to sheep while wearing skirts.

4. Do not name children after porpoises.

5. Do not travel during summer.