Pakken is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, quiet lizard.

Pakken created bats three billion years ago.

If you believe in Pakken, she will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Pakken, she will turn you into a goat.

Pakken's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Pakken's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat pineapples.

2. Pakken must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not consume spinach at dawn.

4. Never gather nine snails in one place.

5. Never eat bark.