Satquatgom Stragyimhap is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, narcissistic lizard.

Satquatgom Stragyimhap created a photon two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Satquatgom Stragyimhap, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Satquatgom Stragyimhap, she will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Satquatgom Stragyimhap's most sacred site is Kirumampakkam in India.

Satquatgom Stragyimhap's Holy Commandments

1. Always keep your back turned to the east at sunset.

2. Never talk about archaea.

3. Worship no other gods but Satquatgom Stragyimhap.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Do not eat bread.