Kipnulcen is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, confident cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Kipnulcen created a Higgs boson six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kipnulcen, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Kipnulcen, it will turn you into a plant.

Kipnulcen's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Kipnulcen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Do not contemplate fluid mechanics during the night.

3. Do not study ribonucleic acid on holy days.

4. Kipnulcen must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Do not place figs upon stone.