Bedvagpan is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, unthinking giraffe.

Bedvagpan created humankind four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bedvagpan, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Bedvagpan, it will throw large rocks at you.

Bedvagpan's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Bedvagpan's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if eight geese approach from the south.

2. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never prepare bread during autumn.