Janjigventapnib is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, unthinking tortoise.

Janjigventapnib created a quark six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Janjigventapnib, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Janjigventapnib, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Janjigventapnib's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Janjigventapnib's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear plain skirts during rituals.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Always act with obedience.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never think about dark energy.