Quillbogvon Cablinveg is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, merciful hamster.

Quillbogvon Cablinveg created viruses four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quillbogvon Cablinveg, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quillbogvon Cablinveg, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Quillbogvon Cablinveg's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Quillbogvon Cablinveg's Holy Commandments

1. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Quillbogvon Cablinveg.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Quillbogvon Cablinveg.

3. Do not prepare beans while filled with fear.

4. You must pray to Quillbogvon Cablinveg nine times a day.

5. Do not place wheat upon stone.