Flattimsand is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, self-assured cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Flattimsand created light two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Flattimsand, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Flattimsand, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Flattimsand's most sacred site is Evol in France.

Flattimsand's Holy Commandments

1. Never leap in the presence of elders.

2. Always remove shoes before touching iron.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Feed all hungry manatees.