Tabstanbunontwotsaf is a god.

He takes the form of an one thousand metre long, annoying armadillo.

Tabstanbunontwotsaf created Africa seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Tabstanbunontwotsaf, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Tabstanbunontwotsaf, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Tabstanbunontwotsaf's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Tabstanbunontwotsaf's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always count to five before sleeping.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Tabstanbunontwotsaf in the centre of the settlement.