Bisscimwabcim is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, witty snail.

Bisscimwabcim created the planet Earth three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bisscimwabcim, he will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Bisscimwabcim, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Bisscimwabcim's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Bisscimwabcim's Holy Commandments

1. Always check lakes for frogs.

2. Do not covet oxen.

3. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.

4. Never look in ponds.

5. Do not speak sacred words in autumn.