Hapquagbest is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, charitable centaur.

Hapquagbest created the cosmos seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hapquagbest, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Hapquagbest, it will boil you in a big pot.

Hapquagbest's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Hapquagbest's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near ducks while wearing turquoise rings.

2. Always remove boots before entering holy places.

3. Always wear plain hats during rituals.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never prepare corn during summer.