Laprillmif Flismifjip is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, grumpy unicorn.

Laprillmif Flismifjip created Africa eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Laprillmif Flismifjip, he will give you the power of flight.

If you do not believe in Laprillmif Flismifjip, he will destroy your home solar system.

Laprillmif Flismifjip's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Laprillmif Flismifjip's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Do not speak about cucumbers.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Erect seven silver sculptures of Laprillmif Flismifjip on top of important buildings.