Jopominquatrowyartyarlzod is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, fussy octopus.

Jopominquatrowyartyarlzod created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jopominquatrowyartyarlzod, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Jopominquatrowyartyarlzod, it will come to you in dreams.

Jopominquatrowyartyarlzod's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Jopominquatrowyartyarlzod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink alcohol.

2. Never talk about dark energy near ants while wearing pink kilts and balancing six nickel spheres on your legs.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Never paint your head magenta.