Rapyatteenbass Gomfossbom is a god.

He takes the form of a large, vain guinea pig.

Rapyatteenbass Gomfossbom created the Sun nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Rapyatteenbass Gomfossbom, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Rapyatteenbass Gomfossbom, he will turn you into a tree.

Rapyatteenbass Gomfossbom's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Rapyatteenbass Gomfossbom's Holy Commandments

1. Snakes are not to be trusted.

2. You must never eat beans.

3. Always make sure there are no cats in a room before entering it.

4. Never wear brown kilts.

5. Do not listen to music.