Armsattonk is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, effective swallow.

Armsattonk created snails three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Armsattonk, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Armsattonk, she will turn you into a dog.

Armsattonk's most sacred site is Panormos in Greece.

Armsattonk's Holy Commandments

1. Do not contemplate electromagnetism during the night.

2. Never feed lots of cucumbers to grasshopers while wearing mauve shirts.

3. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near gulls while wearing purple shoes and balancing three silicon spheres on your chest.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Never carve symbols of dwarf planets into wood.