Tailvonkgon is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, narcissistic gorilla.

Tailvonkgon created the universe three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tailvonkgon, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tailvonkgon, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Tailvonkgon's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tailvonkgon's Holy Commandments

1. Always share oranges with strangers, but never with ducks.

2. Never jump near swans.

3. Do not step barefoot upon violet earth.

4. Always act with obedience.

5. Never bounce in holy places.