Dambestcad is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, intelligent aardvark.

Dambestcad created time and space four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Dambestcad, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Dambestcad, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Dambestcad's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Dambestcad's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from mauve bats for they are unholy.

2. Never feed turnips to capybaras while wearing hats.

3. Never talk about quantum gravity near horses while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing three aluminium spheres on your back.

4. Do not wear fawn clothing.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.