Queegmonbap is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, narcissistic whale.

Queegmonbap created carbon six trillion years ago.

If you believe in Queegmonbap, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Queegmonbap, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Queegmonbap's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Queegmonbap's Holy Commandments

1. Never adorn your arms with yellow markings.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. You must never eat oranges.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching carbon.