Nillsasjam is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, confident pigeon.

Nillsasjam created dark matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Nillsasjam, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nillsasjam, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nillsasjam's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Nillsasjam's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear violet scarves.

2. Do not fashion sacred items from ash.

3. Always cleanse blood with water.

4. Never mix grapes with oil.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.