Betspagrutt is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, temperamental salamander.

Betspagrutt created an atom five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Betspagrutt, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Betspagrutt, he will ignore you.

Betspagrutt's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Betspagrutt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not commit murder.

2. Never speak at midnight.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always keep your back turned to the north at sunset.