Flanfasced is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, fast cow.

Flanfasced created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Flanfasced, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Flanfasced, he will turn you into a dog.

Flanfasced's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Flanfasced's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Never discuss deoxyribonucleic acid in public assemblies.

3. Never sprint in the presence of grasshopers.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not keep three ants in a large pit.