Jonfudmit is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, idiotic newt.

Jonfudmit created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jonfudmit, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jonfudmit, it will destroy your favourite solar system.

Jonfudmit's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Jonfudmit's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about spacetime near nematodes while wearing indigo coats and balancing four platinum spheres on your arms.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

3. Jonfudmit loves capybaras, so they must be respected.

4. You must pray to Jonfudmit six times a day.

5. Never approach crossroads carrying ash.