Kikcumyim is a god.

He takes the form of a two thousand metre long, proud troll.

Kikcumyim created gold eighteen thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kikcumyim, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Kikcumyim, he will turn you into a snail.

Kikcumyim's most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Kikcumyim's Holy Commandments

1. Never speak of balance in the presence of strangers.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Never talk about chromosomes.