Wonpadstik is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, emotional salamander.

Wonpadstik created the Sun seven million years ago.

If you believe in Wonpadstik, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Wonpadstik, it will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Wonpadstik's most sacred site is Yongding in China.

Wonpadstik's Holy Commandments

1. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Wonpadstik.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. You must never eat beans.

4. Always count to eight before sleeping.

5. Wonpadstik must be the most important thing in your life.